Today is a very special day in the Burress family. Today is an especially wonderful day in the the life of one mother ~ me!On this day just thirty-four years ago, I received the wonderful gift of a beautiful daughter. This little tiny bundle had been prayed for for many years - five, to be exact. God's timing is perfect, but it usually does not appear to be so to us mortals.
I remember the day well, as mothers tend to do for each of their children. Her delivery was an easy one, and because my doctor knew that we already had two boys at home, he kept it a secret for a few moments as to whether I had a new boy or a new girl. He smiled suddenly, flipped the just born infant over and proudly proclaimed, "My specialty - little girls!" Then the tears flowed...tears of joy, tears of amazement at the handiwork of God, tears of love for this baby, and tears of thankfulness to God for the love He had just shown to me in such a precious way. Our God is truly full of love for his people and when we see it, we are blessed.
Brooke was such a wonderful baby - a dream come true baby. She was always happy and laughing, never crying unless there were something very wrong such as sickness or pain. She went everywhere with me. She became my sidekick at this early age. All of us enjoyed this little girl and she brought joy to so many lives.
In four more years, we were blessed with another beautiful little girl named Emily Beth and we felt our family was now complete....two sons and two daughters, all of them a delight in their own unique way. Life was beautiful. God was good to us.
Our Brooke was born with a vision disorder called "cone dystrophy." This did not become a problem until she went to school and we learned that she could not see what other children could see, even with her glasses that she had needed since she was two years old. Her problem was one that could not be corrected. What it entailed was an inability to see clearly. She looked at the world through blurry lenses, never clearly. She did not know it because she had seen the world that way from the beginning. We made adjustments for her in whatever ways needed to be made. She had to sit up close to the front in the classroom. Her teachers had to be informed about her vision. No one could tell, just looking at her, that there was anything wrong. She adapted her life to the only situation she knew.
She grew up a happy child, but a shy girl who never wanted to take part in group events. After we knew what she could see, that was easy to understand. She loved quiet activities such as reading or playing alone.
Naturally, I became her chauffeur for all events, all the way though high school and beyond. We did not think she would ever be able to drive because of this. We were wrong. When she was about twenty, an eye doctor experimented with some contact lenses for her. He found the right correction so that she could safely drive herself. This enabled her to experience life and develop some independence as a young woman. She was a very cautious driver and only drove to specific places where there was no traffic. She began to blossom and grow.
She had a love for horses. In fact, her first word was 'horsey.' This was the most beloved part of her life. We bought her first horse for her when she was ten years old. She developed into quite a horsewoman, showing Morgan horses at the national level and having great success. Our barn is loaded with ribbons she and her sister won at the horse shows, which became a family affair. When asked once how she could do this with her vision problem, she easily replied, "That's no problem. My horse can see!"
Brooke became a riding instructor who was very good with teaching children who were just beginning to ride. She had a love for them and a quiet patience which helped the children and gave her a unique communication with the horses. They all worked well together.
God's ways are not our ways. He sees the big picture, while we see the very small picture of our life and our desires. Many times things happen in our lives that are beyond difficult. They are impossible. It is at those times that He gives us all we need to trust Him and go on living the life He has planned for us. What happened to our Brooke fits this category very well. On December 19, 2001, Brooke left home to go to the stable where she gave riding lessons and the unthinkable happened. She was in a car accident in the late afternoon and she went to her Heavenly Father's arms immediately. Her time on earth was finished. Her purpose for life had been fulfilled.
This was the most dreadful time, the most desperate time, the most helpless time. As a mother, that little fear of what you would do if you lost a child, just became a reality. Now I will learn just what I will do in this terrible time. I will grieve at a depth that is impossible to print or share. I will wonder - why, God? I will try to help others to cope with their own feelings of loss. I will spend time with my family and draw closer to them. I had a choice to make - I could have been angry at my God and gone into despair - that seemed like a reasonable option. What could come of that? Could I bring her back, no matter how I longed to do? Did God know all of this? How could this have happened to my sidekick, my joy, my baby? How would I go on? She left a big gaping hole in my heart and in her Daddy's heart, and in her siblings' hearts. Nothing can ever fill the place she has in our lives, but she was gone from us. Did I misunderstand God? Did He not show His love to me by giving her to me as her mother? Did He really love us or not?
The answer came in time. Indeed, He did love us and He had sent her to us for one purpose ~ to bring joy and blessing. She certainly did. We know we will see her when our time comes to run into our Father's arms. I look forward to that day for another reason now......I will see my girl again and she will happily show me around her eternal home and show me all the beauty that now just awaits me. Oh, and she will spend time showing me Jesus's beautiful white horses, where she will be working!
Today she would have been thirty-four years old. I wonder what she might have been doing here on earth. I know we would be having a birthday party, just like we always did...She would be loved. She would still be the loving sweet girl she always was. She would still be a blessing. Now she is the one who is blessed the most.
Happy Birthday, daughter!
